My best friend, Nathan, and I are avid fans of the MTV show: America's Best Dance Crew (ABDC, or, as we call it, "Ab-Uh-Dick-Uh").
Since we now live on opposite coasts, we watch separately, and then confer with each other a day or so afterwards. Below is his opinions on the premiere of their 7th season. I decided to blog this (with his permission) because it illustrates both his undoubted brilliance and ineffable charm:
First Ab Uh Dick Uh Live Impressions:
It's Brittany bitch.
I would probably bone Mario Lopez. Does he age? I don't think so. AC Slater, get on my balls.
Where's Randy's obligatory,
Opening Dance: Sick. Welcome back fuckers.
FANNY PAK IS HERE!!!!!!!
1. 8 Flavahs
Intro: Weird that they are home schooled. Weird that they are from two different places.
Routine: Weird. Too small. Too perfect. Joan Bonnet Ramsey anyone?
Judges: D-Trix way too into it. Lil' Mama, I missed you as I do every year. JC, a little more honest but too into it.
2. Mixed Elements (should be a kung fu, shaolin thing going on)
Intro: Sad situation. Doesn't everyone say their crew is family? HEY! It's the Asian crew!
Routine: A lot of styles. A little gay. Decent levels. Kind of gimmicky but could be good.
Judges: JC got pumped. D Trix is dumb and I miss the black dude from the first couple seasons. Lil' Mama, have my baby.
(Mario, don't tell me to 'keep it locked' anymore, ok?)
3. Irattick
Intro: Boner. Wasn't there another crew from Montreal that gave me boners?
Routine: Slow to start, never really took off. Chicks almost kissed, but didn't. Points off.
Judge: Lil' Mama does a dog impression. JC, be honest, you didn't like it but you'll be banging one of them later so I'll give you a B-. D Trix, shut up.
(Three dances in and I don't recognize one of these Brittany tunes.)
4. Step Boys
Intro: Mustache. Love them, kind of. Modern poverty, gripping.
Routine: Opening flip, dope! Wanted to like it more. Liked the Brittany knock off.
Judge: D Trix knows them? Well shit, now I like them less. D Trix is becoming Knightlyish. JC, troof sayer, need more than wacky. Lil' Mama, she ain't playin' so neither should you!
(Fanny Pak is next. Dance boner. Not Canadian Irratick boner.)
5. Motherfucking Fanny Pak Bitches
Intro: The Pak is back.
Routine: Fierce. Front runners. Revenge is a dish best served in a pouch above your penis and/or vagina.
Judge: Lil' Mama, you're right. D Trix, stop saying 'like' so much. It's called professionalism. JC, You secretly want to be part of Fanny Pak don't you?
Safe:
Fanny Pak: Fucking duh.
8 Flavahs: Really? Jersey Cuntz: The Sequel I guess. I don't miss the little Biebers.
Irratick: Boner.
Step Boys: Be funnier and better next time.
In The Toilet:
Elements: I bet they bring it hard next week.
So, next week I want to hear 'Toxic', 'Baby One More Time', 'Slave 4....Wait, FLO RIDA?!?!?. Aw, Jesus Christ on Mario Lopez's cracker.
Well that's it.
Call me bitch.
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